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[Jan. 27th, 2009|08:03 pm] |
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I've created another account over at livejournal for all my fics and art and crap... you can find it here |
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| I don't expect you to understand this. I don't expect you to see it or to read it. |
[Dec. 1st, 2008|12:53 am] |
Funny how when I finally see some dawn on the horizon, something else goes wrong. Thank god for having to go to my therapist tomorrow.
Hiding in this journal for a spell.
Screeching voices. I don't want too many others to hear. Only those who know your way here... Not many of you do.
If you managed to come this far I'm impressed.
Let's start at the center of it all.
Human relations.
Humans are decidedly poor at getting along. Even the ones who know each other very well. Here's how things go... By default we have blinders on. We are blind to the world around us and most of all we are blind to everything that is not part of our perception. However, perception is molded by our logic process... Here's the fun part. If... for some reason we are already in a self deprecatingly state we become further blinded. Our perception tainted. At the core, no matter how selfless you may be; we are selfish creatures. That is a simple fact.
We are selfish in our own pain. We're blinded by it.
We don't see the truth. We don't see reality. We sit there comparing our perceptions but failing to miss one key fact.
We're all the same.
As much as you think you're being ignored the person next to you thinks they are too. Then the fun continues. You look upon the one of perceived popularity with envy. Yet you fail to realize they suffer the same affliction you do. Their perception tells them they are ignored. Despite all evidence elsewise. We ignore th evidence to the positive in favor of the negative. We become blind.
Now you sit there wondering something... how does this work? You sit there saying "I can see the evidence clear as day. It falls to the negative so it must be so."
No. You think you see it.
I don't try to argue with those who think they see the evidence. They are impossible to show one way or another. Blinders are too firm in place.
Step back and face the reality. It does not matter.
Perception of human interaction. We make assumptions and we calculate. To us our perception is so clear we don't understand how others cannot see it. It surprises us when we confront them and they tell us what was obvious to us is not obvious to them. It confounds us. "I can see this clear as day!"
I have put blinders on. I followed a controlled path. Then I dropped it all. A return to happiness followed.
Please don't say you understand what I am saying. You don't need to.
I have been a student of human interaction for a long time. I am aware of my charisma. I am aware of my powers of manipulation. I can make ground men cry with words.... I'm very aware of what I'm capable of.
So hard it is to control that power. My mind has build defenses with it that I cannot avoid. Ways I'm programed to react.
There are times I know what would happen if I let go. I go for the throat. I dig in deep and rip out the softest part. I zone in on your weaknesses and I exploit every single one of them. That's what I can do.
That's what I've done. If there is a reason to fear me, it is then.
There are certain people I know that can sense this about me. And I can sense a like power with them. We circle each other and decide its best to play in other playgrounds. For surely we will kill each other.
There is something about me I cannot stop. I know about it, thank god. Put me in a new place... I will proceed to take it over. Albeit not always consciously. I cannot count the times this has happened to me. I end up in-charge. I end up the leader. I still am confused as to how this happens.
It's not a place you want to be in.
I am old. Older than I truly am. This bothers me. It bothers me that I can see what's coming. It bothers me that no one heeds my warnings. It bothers me I end up right. It bothers me I know more than anyone ever suspected.
It bothers me.
I hang onto the times I'm wrong. They're all I have.
How many of you pray for failure? Pray your plan will fail?
My body complains. I hear the groans. Sometimes it's easiest to just listen to it.
You want to meet the real me? Who I am on the inside?
It's not who you think it is.
Reality, children. Have you ever faced it? |
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| Drabble fic |
[Nov. 23rd, 2008|01:26 pm] |
Title: Cigarettes
Rating: None. G?
Pairing: Snake/Cigarettes, OTP man.
Summery: Old Snake and his fight with Crying Wolf... and cigarettes
Scentless cigarettes. That's what he told Otacon. It was a load of crap. But he had to tell the nerd something to get him off his back.
The truth is the cigarettes have always been a lucky charm and as impossible it sounded they've actually saved his life on more than one occasion. Not that he was about to tell him that, he'd go off on an lecture on how they've shortened his already short life. It didn't matter much anymore anyway, Snake thought, he had maybe six months left.
No time to think about that, mind on the mission as always. He was a high as he could get on the old communication tower at Shadow Moses. His first time back here in nine years and it figures it was to save the world, again.
“C'mon... where are you...” he mumbled as he lit up his cigarette. Normally he goes out of his way to not let the enemy know where he is. But in this case... he needed to let her know where he was. Let her come out of her shell to aim. That was the only way.
He took a long drag of his cigarette and let the smoke escape into the wind. She was a beast of war, more animal than human. She was hunting him. And like any beast she only showed a weakness when she was about to strike.
A howl. Not quite animal, not quite human. Vrrrrrrr! The sound of the beast's rail gun powering up. She made him. Perfect.
Snake smiled, and put out his cigarette. He switched on his solid-eye. Time to go hunting.
He took cover behind on of the supports and let her have the first shot. The pillar shook with the force of the weapon's blast. Good girl, keep taking shots. The next part had to be done fast...
He wiped out from behind the pillar; sniper rifle ready. The solid-eye infrared showed a white shape surrounded by a black wolf like body. The white shape was her head, shoulders and arms; aiming the rail-gun directly at him. He wouldn't have much time. Earlier in their encounter he counted the seconds between we she spotted him, until she pulled the trigger. The warm up for rail gun bought him some extra time. He had about a second and a half to get a shot off. No problem.
He held the rifle tight to his shoulder. A voice of an old instructor replaying in his head. Tight to the shoulder, light pressure on the trigger, cross-hairs on target, breathe, release, second pressure on the trigger. Rifle kicks back hard. Don't think. Tight to the shoulder, concentrate, aim, breathe, release, second pressure. Kick back, aim, breathe, release, pressure.
Three tranq rounds to her head. Adding to the rounds he got off earlier in their encounter... she finally slumps forward.
Breathe.
Release.
Damn. A cigarette would be good right now. |
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| I know how to write?!!?!?!?!!?!! |
[Apr. 4th, 2008|01:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Seether - [Untitled Track] | ] |
I decided to make a master post in this journal that archives all the fanfic I've written. It's pretty much all MGS slash.
Metal Gear Solid Fanfiction:
Title: Phantoms
Pairing: Liquid/Solid, Implied Snake/Otacon
Rating: PG-13 to be safe.
Word Count: 962
Summery: Life hurts, death hurts more. Some people won't stay dead.
Title: A Demon's Eyes
Pairing: Volgin/Raikov (GASP!!!!)
Rating: NC-17ish
Word count: 1485
Warning: Volgin, electricity, sex, a wee bit D/s but not who'd you expect.
Summery: A glance inside Volgin and Raikov's relationship. PWPish. This is what happens when I think too much about Volgin's reaction to Snake putting on the Raikov mask during their fight. And me just thinking too much about Volgin in general(that can't be healthy.).
Title: An Eight
Pairing: Snake/Otacon
Rating: PG-13 (GASP!)
Word Count: 3,035
Summery: Hal goes to Alaska to try and enlist Snake's help in creating Philanthropy.
Title: I'll Keep You Quiet
Pairing: Snake/Otacon plus a mysterious third party!
Rating: NC-17...ish.
Word Count: 6,540
Warning: Smut :B PWP. Still needs work.
Summery: This is the prequel to Unfulfilled. What DID Snake do to make Hal want revenge?
Title: Unfulfilled
Pairing: Snake/Otacon
Rating: NC-17 for the hot sexings!
Word Count: 2,784
Warnings: Implied non-con. Bukkake. A hint of bondage. Writer’s first fanfic. Snuke.
Notes: Remember kids, revenge is a vicious cycle.
Summery: Snake comes home from a mission to find their apartment trashed and Otacon missing. |
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| Why I'm here. |
[Mar. 30th, 2008|02:02 pm] |
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I have this account so I may stalk some of my favorite people. I will sometimes post things here, but mainly informational posts about my projects and etc. |
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